What is Gaslighting?
Gaslighting, at its heart, is the implementation of a prolonged pattern of manipulation and control meant to sow confusion and create an alternative reality. Gaslighters cause their targets to question the validity of their perceptions by denying, manipulating, or retelling events that have occurred. Gaslighters rely on their targets being confused about reality, and will do everything possible to maintain that state of confusion. Typically a gaslighter is unwilling or unable to allow any information or perceptions to be incorporated that may cause their alternative reality to collapse.
Psychological studies into the effects of gaslighting, and other forms of psychological manipulation, have demonstrated many mental health consequences for targets. The three most common mental health consequences are PTSD, depression, and anxiety. PTSD is often one of the most debilitating of these conditions, as it leads to recurrent memories and reliving of the trauma suffered. Since gaslighting typically involves a long duration of time, a victim may suffer multiple triggers that can cause reliving of the traumatic events. These memories and feelings can lead to serious dysfunction in work, social, and family life. Anxiety and depression are both consequences of gaslighting because the core experience of the victim is confusion of reality and perception. When the victim does not know what is "real," they become unable to function in the world around them. Anxiety and depression are natural reactions to a situation where there is no peace or understanding.
Gaslighters are masters of projection , deflection, and obfuscation. In other words, a gaslighter will always try to turn the blame or questions back on their target. If their target calls them on their manipulation, they will engage in projection, by accusing the target of being manipulative themselves. When this fails, the gaslighter will deflect by stating the target is just being overly emotional, and one should not deal with a "crazy" person. Finally, the master of obfuscation will behave in such a way that leaves significant room for doubt in the target’s mind. The obfuscator hangs out in the "shadows of ambiguity" and creates significant doubt about all the behavior that has occurred. This will lead the target to believe that perhaps the behavior did happen, but not quite that way. A good obfuscator leaves enough room for doubt to be sown in the mind of the target.
The effects of gaslighting are severe and long lasting. Studies show that left untreated, the effects can last a lifetime. Many people who experience gaslighting require years of therapy to be able to begin to accept that their perceptions are actually valid. Being manipulated and misled is a subtle and pervasive form of psychological abuse that is just as capable as causing trauma as physical abuse. Being able to avoid this dance of manipulation requires an understanding of when someone is using these tactics, and being able to apply them to your own situation.
Evidence of Gaslighting
When approaching the task of proving gaslighting in court, the types and forms of evidence used to substantiate claims of gaslighting are similar to other family law legal proceedings. The most relied upon forms of evidence of psychological or emotional abuse are:
• Documented communications (emails, text messages) that show a pattern of controlling or belittling behavior.
• Witness testimony from friends, family members, teachers, or neighbors who corroborate the victim’s allegations.
• Expert testimony from licensed mental health professionals when the issue of gaslighting is in dispute and needs to be validated.
It should be noted that while courts are not generally reluctant to accept witness testimony, the opinions of close friends and family members tend to carry less weight than professional witnesses, such as those licensed mental health providers who have treated the alleged victim. More significant concerns may exist when the behaviors are subtle, like "low-grade" emotional abuse, which can be more difficult to document.
Thorough documentation is essential to proving gaslighting in court. If you have been the victim of gaslighting, work with your attorney to keep as much documentation as possible about your experiences.
Challenges in Court
In the legal context, proving gaslighting is significantly more challenging, particularly because gaslighting is an insidious form of psychological abuse. Unlike physical violence, which leaves behind marks and bruises, the effects of gaslighting are often invisible, without a tangible ‘proof’ of what is being inflicted upon a victim. For example, if an emotionally abusive husband tells his wife that she forgot to pay a bill; this would be a clear-cut case of emotional abuse. However, if the abusing husband tells his wife that she miscalculated the amount of the spousal support payment or that she cannot recall the telephone number of a trusted family doctor and is effectively ‘forcing’ her husband to call the doctor to speak on her behalf, while calling her ‘hysterical’ for not remembering the number, it is much harder to prove. The above-mentioned malfeasance may generally be considered a form of gaslighting if you know the wives’ version of the story; but it is significantly harder to prove. Challenges with credibility also arise in court because the defense may easily lay the blame on the accuser by arguing that the accuser is lying to suit their own agenda – even when the accused is the only other witness in the room. For example, if the husband claims he forgot to pay his spouse’s rent and therefore, she is laying the blame on him; but the wife claims he did not forget to pay the rent (which was agreed upon in the spousal support arrangement). This is often aggravated by a lack of physical evidence, such as emails, texts or voicemails (which may very well have been deleted as a means of keeping the abuse a secret). Ultimately, the challenge in proving gaslighting in a court of law is that it is inherently subjective. For many people, the objective nature of facts is not enough against an abuser’s version of the truth and they need to experiment with various forms of proof, from gathering objective information about each incident to documenting their feelings and emotional state. In situations when it is abundantly clear that abuse is taking place, the court may ask a witness to undergo a mental health assessment, which may ultimately disallow the abuser the opportunity to further control the victim through psychiatric abuse. Unfortunately, this is not uniform in any province and the process is very slow.
Building a Case Step-by-Step
Building a constructive legal case against gaslighting perpetrators requires careful attention to detail and a proactive approach. The following steps are critical to substantiating a claim in court:
Keep Detailed Records
Documentation is the backbone of a solid case. Keep a record of all instances of gaslighting, including dates, times, what was said or done, and how the incident made you feel. It may also be necessary to document your emotional and mental state with a therapist or other professional who can objectively assess your situation.
Gather Supporting Documentation
For a gaslighting claim to succeed, it’s often important to collect supplemental documentation such as medical records, photographs of pertinent interactions, videos, or audio of the gaslighter’s behavior (if safe and legal to do so).
Seek Legal Counsel
Consult with an attorney who has experience in cases of emotional abuse or gaslighting. Your lawyer can help you determine what evidence is needed and how best to present the case. Be honest about the situation when you interview attorneys. The lawyer must have a clear picture of what you’ve been through to provide solid legal advice and counsel.
Stay Objective
It’s essential to remain objective while you gather evidence and prepare for court. Try to distance yourself as much as possible from the emotions surrounding the case. With the assistance of an attorney, you’ll be equipped to take a measured approach so that you can fully and effectively demonstrate the impact of the abuse inflicted by the perpetrator. Given the complexity of gaslighting and its effects on the victim’s social and psychological well-being, it’s essential to be prepared for any challenges the defendants and their attorneys may throw your way. The more support you can enlist, the stronger the case you can build.
Importance of an Expert Witness
A critical component of proving a gaslighting case in court is the use of expert witnesses. Psychologists and other mental health professionals can provide pivotal professional opinions on the victim’s psychological condition and the impact of gaslighting on their mental state.
Professional psychological testimony can help bolster a gaslighting case in several ways:
• The victim’s mental health before the relationship: An expert witness can help determine whether the victim had any preexisting mental health conditions before their relationship with the gaslighter.
• The victim’s changed mental state during and after the relationship: Gaslighting takes a significant psychological toll on victims. Expert testimony from a mental health professional can help show how their mental state changed once they were subjected to gaslighting, whether that was through specific symptoms or even physical injuries—manifestations that may be caused by the psychological stress of gaslighting.
• Establishing the relationship: It’s critical for the victim’s legal team to prove that the victim actually had a relationship with their gaslighter. While the victim may have seen the gaslighter as their spouse , it’s possible the gaslighter did not see him or herself in the same light. A gaslighter who is married to a victim may never sleep in the same bed, for instance. A mental health professional can help testify to these discrepancies.
• Determining whether the victim is competent to testify and should testify in court: Depending on the severity of the victim’s mental health state—whether they’ve been completely broken down by the effect of gaslighting—an expert witness may recommend that the victim not testify as to protect him or her from having to relive their traumatic experience.
• Explaining how the gaslighter affected the victim’s mental state: It’s important that members of the court understand what the victim has gone through. The use of a psychologist or other mental health expert can be critical to break this down and explain the phenomenon of gaslighting to those who have never experienced it.
Case Law and Statutes
To prove gaslighting in court, ask your attorney about these precedents
In most courts, a case must have merit under a well-defined legal framework in order to be litigated through. As a result, historical case precedents can be invaluable in establishing the merit of your case. Here are a few that apply to gaslighting and aberrant behavior of the narcissistic types that perpetuate such behaviors.
The key legal precedents:
- People who gaslight often may be diagnosed with narcissitic, borderline or paranoid personality disorders.
- All three of those have distinct DSM-IV criteria.
- The "facts" of a case may be determined to be "conclusively established" even to the extent of a presumption that it is impossible for the victim to testify about it with complete accuracy. So the victim-client must not only take the stand and testify to the contrary, but has to do more than just testify to the contrary; they have to rebut the presumption.
In this case, Judge Brett accepted as establishing the facts:
To justify the granting of the motion under 15-1286(A)(6), we must presume that the trial court accepted as established the facts set out below concerning the alleged mental problem of the child’s father:
It’s believed by the County Attorney’s Office and the undersigned Judge that Dad has a paranoid personality disorder or a narcissistic personality disorder that has been diagnosed. It’s possible, according to the family therapist and I believe the family therapist testified they actually considered at one point whether they should un-school Dad, take him through that process to try to get some, I guess, reality check on the way things really are. Obviously, that didn’t happen. But that’s how paranoid he is of mom and even of the State and going to a therapist. That’s why it hasn’t happened. But clearly, the testimony indicates that he has some delusions against mom personally and against the State because of the arguments that they’re claiming that they have, the contact that they have. But the primary focus is on mom and what she’s doing to the children…. [T]he RELATIONSHIP between the father’s paranoid personal disorder and his relationship with the children was so clear that when the judge received that proof, he ordered the immediate change of custody because of the affliction of the father.
State ex rel. E.P. v. Merollis, 183 Ariz. 352, 354, 904 P.2d 1237, 1239 (1995) (emphasis added)
Other cases where narcissism was an issue:
E.P. and Ghisai Rahimi v. Moh A.D. Yasin,15 P.3d 887 (Utah 2000);
DeVoe v. DeVoe, 2001 W. Va. LEXIS 10 (W.Va. 2001);
In Re Marriage of S. and A.S., 594 N.W.2d 587 (Iowa 2000);
P. et al. v. M.J.R., 2004 Pa. Dist. & Cnty. Dec. LEXIS 384 (Pa. 2004).
Facts about narcissism useful in court:
Narcissists want to win at all costs. If you’ve ever been involved in a trial or hearing with a narcissist, you know they’ll go into full attack mode against you and the anyone you call as a witness, including the children.
Most narcissists won’t listen to reason. They’ll insist you believe what they feel is true and become angry when you don’t.
As Bodie-Tohouniak (1997) points out, people with NPD believe they don’t have a problem and are "the center of the universe and their ‘X’ is the ‘center of the X’s.’" They see themselves as smarter, better, more successful, and superior in nearly every area. Moreover, they’re a "special, unique person who is above the typical need to obey rules or behave appropriately" and thus feel "entitled to more than others." They see no need to apologize. In fact, they take credit/blame where it serves them best.
Useful Strategies for Victims
Attorney: Consult with an attorney to determine your potential civil and criminal claims based on your current situation.
Psychologist: Consult with a psychologist, who may be able to help you understand what you are experiencing and help you to break away from the situation.
Police: If the perpetrator of the gaslighting is a current spouse or partner, you should consult with the police or a domestic violence unit to explain the situation. There are some substance-abuse treatment programs that will even allow you to have the perpetrator admitted involuntarily for treatment.
Support Groups: Support groups can help these victims deal with their depression or anxiety and interact with other insulin-pump users. These support groups provide a forum for patients to discuss problems and experiences.
Health care provider: You may want to contact your health care provider and ask if they can assist you with documentation of the abuse so that you can later provide evidence to an attorney in support of your claim.
Support: Seek support from a mental health professional or get involved with a nonprofit support organization. Additionally , talk to family and friends whom you can trust about the situation and enlist their support.
Documentation: Document all of the behaviors. In the digital world that we live in, this might mean taking screenshots or using apps. Document everything – the gaslighting, dilations in agreements, temper eruptions, deceitful statements, refusal to follow through on basic obligations, and how the person affected by the gaslighting feels. Pay attention to changes in your daily life that may indicate specific issues. Of course, be cautious with the documentation process; examples might include:
Consult with a Tort Lawyer: You should consult with an experienced tort lawyer to discuss your options and determine if there are any actions you can pursue.